Inexplicable
by beforeskylines
Summary: I need a ‘How to deal with slightly gay friends with benefits' pamphlet, do you have any of those? // Carly & Sam


**Inexplicable**

**/**

**Pairing: Sam P. & Carly S.**

**By: Champagne Scene**

**Rating: T**

/

Carly sighed, staring at the women in front of her with a worried expression. She just couldn't take it anymore, she was going to burst.

"It's not like I woke up one day and was like, 'Hey, how about I start thinking about getting hot and heavy with my best friend' you know, that isn't how this thing works. It was just one moment she's touching me- and this girl has no boundaries, believe me- and instead of giggling and pushing her away I'm leaning in for more. But, really, what does that _even mean_? I'm not gay, you know." Carly paused in her rambling, taking a moment to gage the reaction of the women in front of her before sighing.

"I mean, sure every now and then I get the inexplicable urge to ravish my best friend and everything, who's admittedly a girl, but I mean- she started sleeping in just her underwear last month and believe me if you had some half-naked blonde clutching you in the middle of the night like if she let go the world would end you'd be having some urges too."

"Ms. Shay, this really isn't-" The women tried.

"I mean, who even sleeps in their underwear? One night she was just like 'Clothes are restricting' and just takes it all off! That's not normal, right? If anything, that means she's the gay one because who strips down and then practically dry humps their best friend in their sleep? Yeah, sure, she was asleep when the almost, kinda dry humping took place but doesn't that mean the whole gay thing is subconscious?" Carly raised an eyebrow, the thought just occurring to her. "It can't be subconscious though! I mean, if I well aware that I might, you know, definitely maybe want to _screw_ her then she must be aware of it too. Its Sam were talking about after all, and when it comes to sexual things she always gets things first. Like, in third grade she was already making jokes about popping my-"

"Ms. Shay, honestly this-"

"You're right, you're right. Inappropriate, sorry. Ugh, that's another thing. She's wearing off on me, I mean, up until a few months ago I thought I was asexual. It might seem weird that I'd think I was asexual, but come on, every guy I've dated I only dated because I didn't want to be alone- not because I actually wanted to go out with them. And Shane, well, I just wanted him so Sam couldn't have him. Really, did she have to stare at him like he was ham hot out of the oven?" Carly shook her head, running her hands on her jeans. "I'm getting way off point aren't I?"

"Yes, you definitely are. I asked if-"

"Anyway, it turns out I'm not asexual it's just that I want to have sex with Sam." She gasped, hand flying up to cover her mouth. "I can't believe I just said that, sorry, ignore that. It's just, this is all her fault. I mean, how come I had to be the one to 'taste the rainbow' first? I can't even tell if I'm the only one having these…I don't know what to call them. Feelings? Because Sam is never serious. I mean, even before puberty she was groping and touching and squeezing and now that I actually like it- you know, in that totally hetero way- how can I tell if she does?"

"Really, Ms. Shay this has nothing-"

"You know we've kissed, right? Like, too many times to count. Best friends don't kiss, do they? I wouldn't know because it's not like I can go up and ask Wendy or someone, 'Hey do you randomly make out with your best friend?' Plus Wendy's answer wouldn't count because the girl is like snorting Viagra or something; she always wants _it_ you know? Anyway, so back to the kissing. One day we're sitting in the iCarly studio and Freddie just left and somehow we started talking about how her and Freddie kissed and- get this- she says its sounds like I'm jealous. So, I tell her I'm not jealous of Freddie, why would I be jealous of Freddie? And then she gets this weird look on her face and the next thing I know she's smirking in this really sexy way- you know, in a straight way."

"Ms. Shay, this-"

"Then she just sighs heavily and goes, 'Fine then, if you're so worked up over this then I'll kiss you too. Problem solved.' And it took me some time to process that so by the time I could actually register the situation she's _on top_ of me and doing this thing with her tongue and…god! Who does that? Then, I don't even really remember what happened. All I know is that when it ended too much time had gone by and my shirt was hitched up to my neck."

"Please, please Ms. Shay can you-"

"And, really, I think that's proof she's gay, right…? Why don't they give out pamphlets on _this_kind of stuff. Honestly, no one needs to know about teen pregnancy since everyone knows how that happens. At this point, even if I had sex I wouldn't get pregnant anyhow so why does it matter? I need a 'How to deal with slightly gay friends with benefits' pamphlets, do you have any of those?"

"Ms. Shay! This has absolutely nothing to do-"

"You're right; I got off track again, sorry. Where was I? Oh, right. So anyway, we make out once and that should have been the end of it, right? But no, next thing I know she's attacking me every time I don't do something she wants. It's like, 'Carly, will you go make me some pie' and if I don't say yes she's pouncing on me!" Carly put a finger to her temple. "I just don't get what it means. I mean…maybe, I could be, you know, not completely straight- bisexual sort of. Sam-sexual really, seeing as how she's the only one who gets the blood pumping. I think what I'm trying to say is that I'm totally in love with her."

There was silence, and for a moment the women didn't say anything, sure the moment she opened her mouth she'd be interrupted, but after a few more moments of peace she deemed the situation safe. "That's all very nice Ms. Shay, I feel you've grown a lot mentally in the last," she checked her watch. "Ten minutes."

Carly beamed. "Thank you, I think so too."

"Unfortunately, I did not call you in here to talk about Sam or your, um, feelings."

Carly cocked her head, confused. "Wait, but I thought I was getting in trouble for skipping class with Sam and that stuff we did in the broom closet…"

"No, this has nothing to do with your…relationship, with Ms. Puckett."

"Well, if it doesn't why am I in here?"

The women sighed, "We needed someone to host the student karaoke night and Principal Franklin thought it'd be a good idea to have you do it since you're so popular with the students."

"Oh, well, I'd love too," Carly smiled, "Is there anything else you need? 'Cause I think I really should be getting back to class."

The women shook her head eagerly. "No, no! Feel free to leave."

Carly stood and smiled one last time. "Okay, well, I'll get the details about karaoke night from you later. Bye, Ms. Briggs."

Ms. Briggs waited until the girl was gone to let out a groan. She was _never_ having children.

/

_Anyway, I've been wanting to try my hand at Cam and this is what I came up with. It's just silly stuff, but I had fun writing it so who knows, I might write some more serious Cam someday._

_Feedback=Love_

_((Oh, && ignore the horrible grammar laced throughout this one-shot. I was too lazy to go back and proof it, plus, I'm sure if I went back and read it there is no way and hell I'd allow myself to post it so...))_

_-Champagne Scene_


End file.
